The 'As Yaoi As I Can Possibly Muster WO
by Vega Moon Star
Summary: STRONG CONTENT The product of a bet I made with Kiken Yuy. Yaoi! MY FIRST YAOI FIC! Happy now Kiken! READ! ITS FUNNY!


Ok I'm gonna give this a shot but don't expect anything good.... it's my first yaoi fic.  
  
Disclaimer: Vega- Must I?  
  
Law- Yes  
  
Vega- Fine..I don't own Gundam wing. There! Happy?  
You've removed my reason to live!!!  
  
*&$^&@%&@$%&(^&(^$  
  
The 'As Yaoi As I Can Possibly Muster Without Loosing My Mind' Story  
  
It was a bright and sunny day. All the birds were singing and all the trees were green. All was well. Except, of course, a certain black haired, ego flared, Chinese pilot that we ALL adore. Yes despite the elegance and opportunity the day showed, Chang Wufei couldn't seem to relax. Not that he didn't have a good reason. On the contrary, this was one of the rare occasions that he had an excuse for being an ass. You see, today Wufei's partner was coming over to finish a report from their latest mission. The problem was his oh-so-loving roommates were too preoccupied to straiten the house let alone themselves. It was for this reason that Wufei stomped his way into the living room. A sour look on his face. There on the couch sat his roommates and former comrades. All four separated into their own pairs on opposite couches. All four stared at him blankly, in complete silence. When the silence was too much one of them spoke.  
  
"So Wu-man...whatcha want?"  
  
"Duo if you call me that while Toni's here I swear I will kick your ass so hard you'll be shitting out your mouth from now on."((HAHAHA!!! I like it!!)  
  
"Okay...Wuffles"  
  
"That's it!" Wufei lunged at Duo. Duo managed to avoid him and the two began a chase through the house. The remaining 3 watched with half-hearted attention. Wufei almost caught Duo's braid but Duo jumped away and into his lovers lap.  
  
"Hee-chan. Help" He gave Heero a pouty expression.  
  
"I'm not involved" Duo jumped up  
  
"Well you should be involved!"  
  
"Ahem!" Everyone turned to see a girl w/ dark red hair and sunglasses on standing in the entryway. Wufei froze when he saw her.  
  
"T-Toni...?"  
  
Toni stared at the house in front of her. Ok maybe 'house' isn't the right word...maybe 'Castle' was better. Well whatever the proper name, one fact still remained. It WAS HUGE!!  
  
"This had better work." Sighing she knocked on the door. It was answered by, what she guessed, was a maid.  
  
"Yes Miss."  
  
"I'm here to see Wufei Chang. Is he home?"  
  
"Oh yes! You must be his partner. Please come right in. "Toni nodded and walked into the 'house'. She took a second to take in everything.  
  
"I believe Mr. Chang is in the living room. It's just through that door."  
  
"Thank you." The maid left and Toni turned toward the door. Carefully she opened it. What she saw was the funniest thing she'd ever see. Her oh-so- serious partner was chasing some guy with a braid around the room. Just when he was about to grab him he jumped and landing in some other guy's lap.  
  
"Hee-chan" he whined, "Help!"  
  
"I'm not involved." The guy answered flatly. The braided loony jumped up and yelled...  
  
"WELL YOU SHOULD BE INVOLVED!" Now Toni has always been the type to accept things for what they are. So she wasn't at all affected by this display of behavior. She was, however, itching to tease Wufei so it was for this reason she interrupted their little game...  
  
"Ahem" All heads turned towards her...and the look on Wufei's face was priceless!  
  
"T-Toni?"  
  
"Wow Wufei, I never thought of you as the ring –around- the- rosiest type. " She grinned. Wufei blushed and that only made Toni all the more gleeful.  
  
"Your early..."he said trying to change the subject. Toni looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"Well you know me. I can never be on time so it was either early or late and since my being late would involve you being pissed, I chose early." She shrugged then grinned again. "And now after witnessing that little...display...I think I'll be early more often." Wufei glared at her.  
  
"So are you going to introduce me or not?" Wufei shook his head but turned around. The room's other occupants all gathered before Toni and Wufei named them each in turn.  
  
"This is Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Quatre Winner, and Trowa Barton. Guys this is my partner, Toni Pell." Duo started laughing and pointed to Toni.  
  
"Geez Wu-man. I can't believe you actually agreed to have a girl be your partner. No offence to you Toni."  
  
"None taken."  
  
"First Duo, I never agreed. No one ever invited me to the meeting that decided MY partner so even though I wasn't there apparently I voted ' yes' on the subject. Second...I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT AGAIN!"  
  
"Actually you said...* ahem* "Duo if you call me that while Toni's here I swear I will kick your ass so hard you'll be shitting out your mouth from now on."" He grinned  
  
"And who do you think I am?" Toni stepped in front of Duo. A serious expression on her face.  
  
"Um...Toni..?" Toni nodded in satisfaction.  
  
"Good now I want you to stop calling Wufei Wu man ok?" She had a threatening tone in her voice and a dangerous glint in her eyes.  
  
"o...k..?" Duo answered meekly. Wufei smirked, satisfied. Until, of course, Toni actually finished her thought.  
  
"Besides your saying it wrong...It's Wu-bear." Duo burst out laughing. There was a series of smirks from Trowa and Heero and Quatre was trying desperately not to laugh. Wufei turned satisfying shades of red making Toni quite happy. Getting over his embarrassment, Wufei glared at her. Duo came over slung his arm on Toni's shoulder.  
  
"Your alright by me."  
  
"Thank you Duo."  
  
"How did you come up with that any way?" He asked. Toni smiled and she glanced over at Wufei who was still glaring at her.  
  
"Well it's a LONG story that's pretty HARD to tell. Right....WUfei?" Wufei tried his hardest to stop it but the nosebleed came anyway.  
  
"* cough cough* Uh yeah um T-Toni?"  
  
"Yes Wufei?"  
  
"Did you bring the papers?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Then I suggest we get to work. Follow me."  
  
"Sir Yes Sir!" Toni made an over dramatic salute. She pivoted on one foot and turned towards the door "MARCH" She followed Wufei out. "See ya. Nice meeting you guys!"  
  
"Bye." After they had left Duo turned to Heero.  
  
"If I didn't know any better I'd say Wuffles was hiding something." He grinned and Heero shook his head. Just then a maid came into the room.  
  
"Master Quatre. You have a call sir."  
  
"Thank you Anna." Quatre left and Trowa "wondered" off somewhere leaving Heero and Duo alone. Duo turned on the TV and they sat down to watch. Unknown to them, they were being watched. Cautiously the figure crept toward the two unsuspecting pilots, staying out of sight, behind the couch. The two were so engrossed with an episode of "All My Children "They didn't notice the string that magically appeared tied to Heero's arm. Carefully the figure pulled the string and Heero's hand moved up and around Duo. Duo unconsciously moved closer snuggling into Heero's body and Heero snuggled back. Then, as quickly as it came, the figure left, leaving Heero and Duo in a very intimate position. To bring it straight to the point (and to save time) Trowa and Quatre later returned holding hands and wearing satisfied faces. Upon entering the room however, they were greeted by the following scene. Heero and Duo on the couch in everything BUT their clothes, tangled in a mess of body parts, doing things you don't do in front of small children or ANYONE for that matter. Quatre promptly blushed and Trowa raised an eyebrow.  
  
"This is quite a show. Got any popcorn?" The two turned at the sound of a familiar voice.  
  
"Toni!" Quatre squeeze. "Duo! Heero! Please control yourselves!" The two lovers, who had just noticed their 'audience', jumped apart or *ahem * at least tried to, and gathered their discarded clothes. At this point Wufei enters looking for Toni. His jaw hit the floor at the site he saw.  
  
"Good Lord! I thought you two said you'd NOT do that outside the bedroom!" Duo and Heero blushed, mainly from being caught by everyone including Toni who they had just met.  
  
"Ummm..." Duo fidgeted nervously." S-Sorry...it just...uh... happened... and well....ya see" His explanation was cut short by Toni.  
  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
"Really" Toni nodded.  
  
"But Toni they-"  
  
"No buts Wufei. They're obviously in love and I think it's great that they are so ....uh.... expressive"  
  
"You mean you don't mind." Asked Quatre.  
  
"Nope. But I do have a question for you." She turned toe Heero and Duo.  
  
"How do you do that? I didn't think the human body was capable of such an angle let alone a position like THAT." Heero blushed but Duo grinned.  
  
"Practice." He stated simply.  
  
"Ok. Ok. That's enough. Toni, you and I have work to do and you two...save it for tonight....IN YOUR OWN BEDS!"  
  
"Whatever ya say Wu-bear."  
  
"MAXWELL!" Toni grabbed Wufei's arm and dragged him towards the door. Before it closed...  
  
"Come on Wu-bun. Lets get to work."  
  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT DAMMIT!"  
  
^%&$^*%&(^&%&$%&^LATER THAT DAY %*%^*#%^*%*^*%#^*  
  
Duo and Heero were walking along one of the many paths in Quatre's garden. The two had managed to control themselves but God knows how long THAT will last (* grins* ) , for you see that evil little figure with it's evil little string was evilly following them in an evil manner. The pair paused a while and the figure set to work tying the string to a tree ahead of them. Then it went and hid in the bushes nearby. Duo and Heero continued walking. Heero past first and just as Duo was walking by, the figure pulled the string, tripping Duo. Heero turned just in time to catch him, bring the two into another intimate position. Duo reached up and caught Heero in a heated kiss  
  
$^%&&(^^&$^*#%Minutes later$^#%^*%&(#^&(@$%&  
  
Wufei was up in his room standing on the balcony waiting for Toni to return from the kitchen. His eyes sweeped over the garden, which his balcony overlooked. He paused when he saw Heero Duo in another "impossible" position.  
  
"YE GODS! What the hell do you two think your doing! Have you no decency?!" Duo and Heero once again struggled to separate. And that's when Wufei spotted the figure scurrying away.  
  
"Hey you! STOP!" The figure ran. "GET 'EM" Quatre and Trowa, who had run outside when Wufei first yelled, started chasing him. Duo and Heero joined when they composed themselves and Wufei joined when he got outside. The pilots chased the figure for a good hour. Heero almost grabbed its cloak but it turned at the last minute and Heero ran into a tree. Duo bent over Heero and poked his head.  
  
"Hee-chan?" He groaned. Duo turned and glared at the figure. "You hurt Hee-chan!" He picked up a rock and chucked it. "Die BASTARD!!!" The stone hit it's target and the figure hit the ground.  
  
Currently they were all gathered around the unmoving figure. Wufei bent down and flipped it over revealing a dummy with a note attached. Trowa picked it up and read it.  
  
"HEY!!!!!!!! Did ya know turtle soup is good for stamina?.... Oh yeah...uh...you'll never catch me. PS nice throw. "  
  
"What does it mean? "Asked Quatre as he read it over.  
  
"Nothing good." Heero said dryly. Wufei's eyes widened.  
  
"You don't mean..."  
  
"Yep...we've got an authoress on our hands" Duo screamed dramatically. When everyone regained their hearing Quatre spoke up.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"I think I know" Wufei cleared his throat and yelled as loudly as he could.  
  
"KIKEN!!!!!" There was no answer. Wufei tapped his foot impatiently on the ground. He didn't notice the short little authoress standing right next to him.  
  
"Uh Wufei..."  
  
"Not now Duo..."  
  
"But"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"ok..."  
  
"KIKE—"  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Wufei fell over from the sheer force of the yell.  
  
"Oh there you are"  
  
"I tried to tell ya." Duo shrugged. Wufei glared at him and turned to Kiken.  
  
"Why have you been running around here and what are you up to." Kiken stomped over to him and poked his chest.  
  
"First off, I haven't been 'running around here' Second, All I've been doing lately is talk to myself, annoy D, and drink Bubbles Tea. I'm too busy to be UP to anything. Third, WHAT RIGHT DA YOU HAVE TO ACCUSE ME OF DOING SOMETHING WRONG WITH OUT SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE!!!!!"  
  
"Um....sorry...?"  
  
"But if it wasn't you...then who was it?" Duo asked.  
  
"It was me." All eyes widen as Toni steps forward.  
  
"Toni?" Wufei asked unbelievingly. "But you're not an authoress..."  
  
"Toni...?" Kiken grinned. "You sneaky little...and you call me evil..."  
  
"Well SORRY. I was running out of ideas"  
  
"Will some one please tell us what's going on?" Asked Duo. Toni sighed and snapped her fingers. There was a flash of light as Toni turned into VEGA MOON STAR!!!! (Corny I know...work with me ppl!)  
  
"D? Your Toni?" Wufei's jaw dropped. Vega nodded.  
  
"Ok..." Heero glared. "Explain...NOW!" Vega cleared her throat.  
  
"Well it all started with a stupid CCD meeting Kiken and I went to. We were supposed to be talking about Lent and giving something up or taking something on and me a Kiken made a bet. She writes a straight fic...I write a yaoi." Everyone gasped. "Well it was going ok until Kiken cheated..."  
  
"I didn't cheat"  
  
"Yes you did"  
  
"NO I didn't "  
  
"YES you did"  
  
"Did not"  
  
"Did too"  
  
"Not "  
  
"Too"  
  
"Alright we get it!!!!"  
  
"Anyway, I came here disguised in order to catch Heero and Duo for my fic but since you two lost control sooo many times before and promised to save it for the bedroom...I had to resort to extreme measures"  
  
"So you're the cause of the...uh..." Quatre blushed  
  
"Yep"  
  
"But why didn't you just wait till tonight." Asked Heero.  
  
"Umm...2 reasons, one the deadline for our bet was today, which I barely made, (I think deadlines are cool. I love the whoosh sound they make as they fly by. :P ) and two because my computer privileges end at 5:30"  
  
"What time is it now"  
  
"4:30"  
  
"Long enough!!" He jumped on Heero and the two stared a make out session right there. (Just to warm up :P)  
  
"oooooooooo o.O" Kiken took out her video camera and started filming.  
  
"E-Bay here I come...heh come...sex humor...heh" (I need help... ^.^' )  
  
Quatre got some popcorn which he shared with Trowa. Wufei fainted from blood loss. (Heh ^.^' ) Vega shook her head.  
  
"Uh guys...guys? The fics over! Hello! Guys?! GUYS!!!!"  
  
END  
  
@$^@^*#%^*$&  
  
HA there you have it...my first Yaoi!!!! I hope your happy Kiken...just a few more brain cells to go and I will have lost my mind...hey! Where'd it go? HEY Get back here. Brain thief Brain thief! KIKEN !  
  
R&R 


End file.
